Dad’s
Farewell to Alex…
Thanks to all who helped by sharing your thoughts…
Sad and puzzled faces look to me tonight
…for help
…and perhaps for some answers
A
funeral is for those who did not die. We’re sharing our grief, our thoughts,
our memories of Alex. Why are we all here today? To say goodbye to Alex, in our
own personal way. To remember Alex’s life and celebrate the memories. We all
loved Alex dearly, each in our own way. We miss him. Alex went his own way.
“Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible, without
surrender, be on good terms with all persons” – which Alex was!
I
see many faces here who knew Alex well, some better than others.
So
many memories, thoughts and emotions for us all…
Sorrow
Anger
Confusion
Fear
Surprise
Loss
Childhood
adventures abound for Alex, like the picture boards show!
·
Summer
’85 in Europe @ 3½ years of age
(yellow wellies)
·
Crazy
bike rides down the grassy hill in Oconomowoc
·
Sit’N’Spin
for a long, long time and loved it!
·
Florida
& Disney
·
A
few days in Thumb Fun Park in Door County
(a couple inches short for the race car
drive)
·
Camping
and fishing; a little hunting with Dad and friends
·
Cabins
in the woods, Bear Lake and others up state, Maine, …
·
Playing
& writing computer games with friends, as well as PC music well into his
teenage years
And of course, many, many more that I could talk to for hours.
We
all knew well his soft heart, his fascination with critters, the young rocket
man, and the computer and music wiz. As a young teenager, Alex became a man of
many conflicts. He started to go his own way around 5th grade as he
began pushing on his adult guides (parents, teachers, police) to spread his
wings.
He
was sharp as a pin. Incredibly intelligent -- top 3% of standardized school
tests, even higher with his Navy assessment -- but bored by school, simply
refusing to do exercises, school work and homework which was all “too boring”
according to Alex. He “didn’t need those lessons.”
Alex’s
stubborn positions forced many of his teachers to spend less time coaching him,
which led him to many D’s & F’s.
Alex’s
circles touched so many different people – all kinds of people, broken-winged
people especially – which was both a blessing and a curse to him. He was a
great friend and shoulder to lean on … but he found it difficult to fit in some
times. He was a great listener, soft shoulder, tons of empathy and so
intuitive for your problems. If Alex was listening to you, you had his absolute
and undivided attention. He took burdens on his own shoulders from those that
shared less well and took much from him.
Alex
had a real sense of humor (good at imitations, always smiling, loved a joke)
and he had a huge heart … but fought depression some days like no one else we
know. He fought and won many, many battles against his own personal depression
demons and monsters.
You
can perhaps hear them if you listen between the words…
'Twas Brillig, and the Slithy Toves
Did Gyre
and Gimble in the Wabe:
All Mimsy were the Borogroves,
And the
Momeraths Outgrabe
Some battles were helped by Alex’s friends. Some by family. Some by drugs, some by medicine, some by counseling and a couple of in-patient treatments. Alex connected with American Indian spirits at Ship Rock in Arizona in April, 1998 which also helped him in many ways. Alex fought and won each and every battle, except for his final challenge, last week.
We all tried to understand Alex. Some thought they did, but he went his own way. Look at your blue cards…on the back is Mary Frye’s poem that starts “Do not stand by my grave and weep”
We chose this because it captures Alex’s free spirit. We think he would want you to remember him this way and not be sad as he went his own way.
Keep Alex in your thoughts with the card, when you can…
“When this you see, remember me,
and keep me
in your mind.
Let others say just what they may,
speak of me
as you find”
While
there are as many threads & theories about Alex’s life and his passing than
all of us here tonight, none of them hold the answer.
Only
Alex’s memory may share that with you.
Desiderata finishes like
this…
“Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever
you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the
noisy confusion of life,
keep
peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams,
it is
still a beautiful world.
Be careful. Strive to be happy.”
Dad’s Farewell, shared at Alex’s Funeral,
February 1st, 2002
Desiderata by Max Ehrman
Go placidly amid the noise
and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible,
without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly
and clearly; and listen to others,
even to the dull and ignorant; they too have
their story.
Avoid loud and
aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself
with others, you may become vain and bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser
persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements
as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your
own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing
fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your
business affairs, for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind
you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially
do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and
disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel
of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of
spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress
yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of
fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the
universe no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here. And whether or
not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it
should.
Therefore be at peace
with God, whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors
and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace with your soul. With all its
sham, drudgery and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be careful.
Strive to be happy.
JabberWocky by Lewis Carroll
'Twas Brillig, and the
Slithy Toves
Did Gyre and Gimble in the Wabe:
All Mimsy were the
Borogroves,
And the Momeraths Outgrabe
"Beware the
JabberWock, My Son!
The Jaws that Bite, the Claws that Catch!
Beware the JubJub bird,
and Shun
The Brumious BanderSnatch!"
He took his Vorpal Blade
in Hand;
Long time the Manxome Foe he sought --
So Rested He by the
TumTum Tree,
And Stood a While in Thought
And, as in Uffish
Thought he Stood,
The JabberWock, with Eyes of Flame,
Came Whiffling through
the Tulgey Wood,
And Burbled as it Came!
One, Two! One, Two! And
Through and Through
The Vorpal Blade went Snicker-Snack!
He left it Dead, and
with its Head
He went Galumphing Back
"And hast thou
slain the JabberWock?
Come to my Arms, my Beamish Boy!
O Frabjous Day! Callooh,
Callay!"
He Chortled in his Joy
''Twas Brillig, and the
Slithy Toves
Did Gyre and Gimble in the Wabe:
All Mimsy were the
Borogroves,
And the Momeraths Outgrabe
Mary Frye wrote a poem in 1932 about living and dying, perhaps from Native American sources
Do Not Stand by my Grave
and Weep.
I am not There, I do not Sleep.
I am a Thousand Winds
that Blow,
I am a Diamond Glint on the Snow.
I am the Sunlight on
Ripened Grain,
I am the Gentle Autumn Rain.
When you Awaken in the
Morning’s Hush,
I am the Swift Uplifting Rush
of Quiet Birds in
Circled Flight.
I am the Soft Stars that Shine at Night.
Do Not Stand by my Grave
and Cry.
I am not There, I did not Die.
Brian Jones of the Rolling Stones died in 1969…
“When this you see,
remember me
And keep me in your mind.
Let others say just what
they may,
Speak of me as you find.”